Disclaimer: None of what you are about to read is real. The quotes are imagined. The scenes are fiction. The characters are real(ish). Welcome to an iPacers tale.
If you missed the first episode:
THREE DAYS EARLIER
INT: LOCKERS OF VISITORS IN THE REALM OF DEER AKA BMO HARRIS BRADLEY CENTER
The Pacers of the Round Ball have just lost their fifth straight game by a final score of 122-101 to the Bucks of Milwaukee. The Pacers sit dejected and in silence, pondering how to fix all that’s gone wrong. King Victor has been gone for a fortnight while tending to a wounded knee and the team has suffered many defeats in his absence.
SIR NATE MCMILLAN, THE KING’S HAND:
We have fallen yet again. What more can be said? We don’t know how to defend our goal, how to attack their basket. We have forgotten who we are.
IKE ANIGBOGU, THE RAW AND IN NEED OF DEVELOPMENT:
Wait. Who are we?
The whole team sighs.
KING VICTOR, who has walked in without being noticed:
We are the Pacers of the Round Ball!
The team looks up, surprised and excited to see their king has returned.
PRINCE MYLES, THE STILL GAINING STRENGTH:
King Victor! Has the time finally come for your return? How is the knee?
Feathery? That’s a good thing, right, King Victor of Oladipo, the Twice-Traded Now Redeemed, The Future All-Star, the Pace of Pacedom, The Ruler of the House of Bankers?
It’s whatever you want it to be, Sir Nate. You do not have to use my full name you know.
That doesn’t really answer my
KING VICTOR, cutting him off:
Pacers of the Round Ball, I apologize for my absence as necessary as it may have been. I was told a prophecy during our last victory that while we would defend our city from the invading Nets of Brooklyn that eve, my knee would suffer for at least a fortnight and I would be unable to battle with my brethen to conquer other lands or defend my own, and it would be longer if I was unwilling to go to pray to Anteri Crucia, the goddess of knee ligaments. It’s a long journey, but it would have been foolish for me to challenge the goddess. We all know what happened to The Rose of Chicago.
KING VICTOR, continues:
I received word of your performances from across the land from The Creator of Rosters.
Shall we ever put our trust in the Pritch Slap.
KING VICTOR, continues:
Sir Nate was correct. You seem to have forgotten who you are. This team is more than just one person. My absence alone should not have caused this total collapse among the first five and my return alone will not bring us back to the glory of our early success. You should not lack in confidence without your king but relish the opportunity to showcase your abilities even more.
I am calling on all of us to make the Bulls of Chicago regret coming into my city. TJ Leaf, Rookie, you will give the Bulls a dose of their own stretch-four medicine. Lauri the Marksman and Nikola the Punched must be shown for the lottery-bound team they are.
TJ LEAF, THE MISSING MUSKETEER, THE NEEDS TO SHAVE: Me? But I have the worst net rating on the team, my liege.
Have faith in yourself, rookie. You will play well. Old Man Wilkins, you will join the men of the first five.
OLD MAN WILKINS, MYSTERIOUS KEEPER OF A ROSTER SPOT:
Aren’t I a little old to be among the first five?
Nonsense! Ye of little faith! Stop doubting your king’s commands! And besides I can see that Bojan, the Croatian Mercenary is injured and needs time to heal. And the Lord of Hype must return to his intended role.
LANCE STEPHENSON, COURT JESTER LANCE, THE LORD OF HYPE:
I was born ready for whatever I must do. The season is long and full of terrors. I shall make the crowd dance like you’ve never seen!
Better believe it!
Joey of Buckets, you shall get Buckets. Prince Myles, you will play like the man we know you to be. Do not doubt yourself due to a few poor games. Your jumper is among the purest in all the realms! Domas the Aggressor! Keep punishing all those tiny fools that stand in your way. Thaddeus, thou shall no longer drift too far from thine own cover on the perimeter. DC, The Quick, your speed must force a proper pace. Do not allow the Pacers of the Round Ball to slow themselves down.
One by one, the Pacers of the Round Ball stand, ready to go to war once again with their king.
We have two days to prepare the arrival of these Horned Beasts. Let’s get to work, Pacers of the Round Ball. We will return to our promised glory and defend my city!
(A deafening roar of incomprehensible shouting)
Aren’t I the one that’s supposed to make these decisions?
HA! Good one, Sir Nate.
INT: THE HOUSE OF BANKERS, highlights playing while the narrator reads:
The Pacers of the Round Ball soundly defeated the Bulls of Chicago by a final count of 125 to 86. King Victor returned to the first five and scored 23 points in 23 minutes while adding 9 assists, 6 rebounds, and 5 steals and all that he said to the team that night came true.
Old Man Wilkins started the game and scored a season-high 11 points. TJ Leaf, the Missing Musketeer, made all six of his shots and scored 15 points with 6 rebounds and murdered a man by dunking on his head. Joey of Buckets scored 11 points. Prince Myles added a quick 11 points in the first quarter. Domas the Aggressor made short work on the tiny Bulls in the post and finished with his second consecutive 20+ point game. Lauri the Marksman and Nikola the Punched combined for only 21 points after scoring 60 points in the previous matchup between the teams.